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Getting Better 2004-07-23, 11:17 p.m. I have had good intentions this week, but the updates just haven't been coming to me lately. I've been feeling very sorry for myself for the past few weeks because of some insane shit going on in my personal life, and it caused me a lot of unnecessary strife during my first week in my new job. To top it all off, I'm battling the first phase of the evil Summer Cold, in which I have a runny nose, sore throat, constant headache, and I feel absolutely exhausted all the time. I hate being sick, obviously, and I hate it even worse in the summertime, especially since it's going to be gorgeous all weekend. Luckily, some of the shit in my personal life has subsided, but some of it is persistent and I'm trying not to think about it very much. I'm feeling overwhelmed by my new job, and I'm still dealing with my stolen identity issues � do you have any idea how hard it is to get incorrect data removed from your credit report? It's pretty fucking difficult. And I'm still battling depression, and I think I need to change my meds � I've been taking Zoloft for almost a year, and I still worry excessively, fight with my anxiety, and once in a while, I feel like getting out of bed in the morning will be my greatest accomplishment of the day. Sometimes I feel like I'll never have enough money, I'll never be content with my life, and I'll never have sex again. But I'm doing better than I was at this time last year. And I'm much, much better than I was at this time two years ago. I still don't have my shit together, but at least I'm not a walking basket case, ready to explode or experience a complete emotional meltdown at the slightest thing. It makes me sad, actually, to remember how depressed I was then, and how shitty it makes me feel when people tell me that it "seems like you're back to your old self again" � particularly since I know how much is ahead of me before I'm really back to being myself. It makes me feel worse when I think about how often I've heard that sentiment from my friends and family over the past month. But, I'm doing better, slowly, surely, day by day. I'm still planning on seeing a therapist because I know I need a mental health checkup. I'm still pursuing things that make me feel relaxed and focus on ME � knitting, crafting, reading, even home pedicures. I'm not eating my way across the Midwest anymore. I've removed myself from a terrible relationship that destroyed me. I've reconnected with old friends and spent time getting to know new friends. I'm not interested in dating anyone, but it was nice to spend an hour flirting with the hot new assistant football coach this morning. It was even better when he e-mailed me tonight to make plans for lunch sometime soon. In happier, more random news, I'm hoping to plan a trip to Ohio in the near future, so look out for some wacky antics from Dawnie and me later this year. And I plan on getting lots of drunk-dials from JournalCon attendees next month (and swag! Y'all better bring me some good swag). Even better - I am encouraged to leave campus completely for one weekend each month, and I'm hoping to plan some fun weekend trips to cities with fun people � Seattle, New York, Philadelphia, Austin, and D.C. are on the short list, and I'd love to go to L.A. (and about a hundred other cities) sometime too. And, of course, I'm hoping to spend at least a part of our mutual spring break with Kate and we've tossed around ideas ranging from a week in Greece to a whirlwind tour of our internet friends' cities to Walt Disney World. Y'all know it will be crazy, even if all we do is sit around in Podunk, Iowa for a weekend.
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