• Amalah
• Ampersand
• Cowgirl Funk
• Cut the Crap
• A Damn Thing
• Fly in the Honey
• From the Mind of the Dawnie
• Hannah Cooks
• Hannah Talks
• Hashai
• Hate Your Daddy
• Hussified
• Invinciblegirl
• JournalCon 2004
• Journey of a Girl
• Kiss My Grits
• Les-Cadeaux
• Meegor
• Nearly There
• The Nuthouse
• Pineapple Girl
• The Rage Diaries
• The Random Muse
• SkinnyKat
• That Something
• What Does a Girl Do?

Yes, that's right. I'm over him. I used to proclaim that I was over him when secretly I knew that I wasn't even close to being over him, and then I packed up my whole life and moved 500 miles to the east so that I could focus on me and not us and I had a lot of other reasons for moving, but I would be lying if I said that getting away from T was not one of them. And I did it. I packed up a hundred boxes and loaded them in the truck and my parents said of course we will help you move and we just want you to be happy and if we have to come over there and drag you here by your hair, we will do it. Get home.

And I did. I'm not living at home, or even in the same area code as home, but I'm a comfortable distance from my immediate family. T is still 500 miles away and he can't fuck with me from Kansas City. Right?

Oh, you see, he's tried. He wants to come and visit me, he wants to meet in St. Louis for a football game, he wants to bring me to a wedding. He wants to return all of my stuff in person, he wants to see a concert with me, he wants to sleep with me and break my heart over and over again. He wants to keep me on a leash, stringing me along for the rest of my life so that I am always available for him to fuck with me.

But, I am so over that now. I've moved on, and I can say that now without feeling pangs of guilt, knowing that I was completely deluding myself, trying to believe that I was strong enough to have moved past him. But I have, and it honestly doesn't feel that different. I feel smarter, sexier, stronger, and vindicated.

I feel like the last year of my life was a waste. Like it was a year where I took up space and used up the air – a year where I didn't contribute anything, didn't learn anything, and didn't take anything away. It's hard to admit that I let a guy manipulate me that much, that I believed that it was True Love and that it was supposed to be that difficult, and that if only I would do this better or try that again then he would appreciate me, he would value me, and he wouldn't want to live without me by his side.

I don't regret much in my life, but I do regret not catching on sooner.

I am over him.

I went on an excellent date on Friday night. So excellent that I think he would circle yes on the note when asked if he like liked me. So excellent that I'm content with waiting to see what happens next instead of forcing my way, pushing him away entirely, or tolerating the situation when I know I deserve better.

For the first time in months, I can take a deep breath and say that I'm happy, and the value of that feeling is absolutely indescribable. Rather than obsessing about getting older, getting married, getting pregnant, or getting thinner, I'm just busy being happy. And sweet fuck-all, that's good enough for me.