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Fated Meetings 2004-02-14, 8:02 p.m. It was one of those things that happened when I least expected it, when I was completely unprepared to be classy and react appropriately. I wasn’t wearing makeup, I was dressed for the gym, and my hair was in short, uneven pigtails. So of course, I ran into my ex-boyfriend. At the grocery store. On Valentine’s Day. Tim and I dated off and on for more than a year. We were good friends through college and graduated the same semester. After graduation, we both ended up in Kansas City, and thus, we spent a lot of time together, more out of loneliness in a new place than anything. We finally got together at a 4th of July party two years ago and fell into a rut of getting along well for several weeks and then having a dramatic falling-out, which was usually resolved within a matter of days with a “so…want to hang out tonight?” phone call. Tim isn’t THE ex-boyfriend – that title belongs to my college boyfriend – but he somehow fits into my romantic past in a tiny, crooked space. He never had any long-term potential, I rarely gave him a chance, and he probably got used a little along the way. He made the mistake of getting involved with me during a time in my life when I was barely beginning to discover what I really wanted and needed in life, in relationships, and in my career. I constantly pushed him aside, insisting that I needed to work late, demanding that he give me space so that I could hang out with my friends, rarely putting forth any effort into our relationship. It was clear that I had a lot of growing up to do, and that despite the fact that we were the same age, Tim was light-years ahead of me on the emotional maturity calendar. But Tim loved me. He treated me like a princess. He had a way of showing his hopelessly romantic side without making me want to barf. He was hot, he was nice, he was funny, he was even a little charming. My friends liked him enough, my cats were indifferent, and me? I had the nerve to string him along. Today at the grocery, I was on a mission: I was craving homemade salsa, stir-fry, Diet Coke, and frozen yogurt. My cart was looking like a sad single girl’s – the above items plus tampons, wine, and Weight Watchers red box meals – and my appearance was giving off strong I Gave Up On Looking Presentable Circa 1997 vibes. To strangers, it must look like I’d completely given up. In the ice cream aisle, I heard Tim’s voice. He looked up at me, kind of squinting like he used to do when he was trying to remember something, trying to see if he really recognized me or if I was someone else. Him: Jana? Me: Tim? Him: Oh my god. Oh my god! I haven’t seen you in like a year! Me: Yeah, I know…it’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Lord, I am LAME. I was even praying for God to give me some sort of assistance here, but no. I have the Social Niceties IQ of a thirteen year-old who’s talking to the cutest boy in school. Him: You look fantastic! Me, Blushing: Thanks. Thanks! You look good too. Him: No, really. You look good. Your hair’s cute like that. Me: Thanks, Tim. What’s new? Are you still working at Soul Sucking Financial Company? Him: No, I quit. I went into business with my dad and now I work out of my house. Me, Confused: House? Him: Yeah, I bought a new place…not too far from where you live, actually. It’s in Ritzy Subdivision. Me, Surprised: Wow, Tim. That’s…that’s really great. Him: It’s good. I’d rather buy an older place that I could renovate myself, but with Family Business just getting started, I really had to buy something that I could just move into right away. It’s got room for me to store the boat, which is all I really need. Me, Shocked: Boat? Him: Yeah, remember all those times I took you sailing? I finally bought my own boat. Me: Wow, Tim...good…good for you. Awkward silence… Him: So…Happy Valentine’s Day. Me: Yes! Happy Valentine’s Day to you too! Him: Any plans tonight? Me: Well, I have some stuff to do, but no actual plans. You know how that is. Him: Well…would you…maybe…want to…maybe…go get dinner? Maybe? Me: Dinner? Him: Dinner. Me: Now? Him: Or, you know, later. Me: Um. Him: Oh, shit. Me: Hmm? Him: I could swear that BGK told me you were dating somebody. Aren’t you dating somebody? Me: Um, well, I guess so, and sort of, yes, but sort of, no, and it’s all very complicated, but yes I am, mostly. Him: Hmm. Well. Me: Tim, I don’t think that’s such a good - Him: Well, it was good to see you today. You really do look great. Me: You too, Tim. I’m sorry that - Him: Jana. It’s okay. Maybe we can have lunch sometime or something. Me: Lunch would be great. Him: And, you never know. And as he went past me, still smiling, I remembered what I liked about him when we got together two summers ago. He’s doing exactly what he wants to do with his life. He’s happy. He’s smart and funny. He’s successful. His butt looks really good in every pair of pants he owns. But most importantly, he’s a really good person – the kind that every father hopes his daughter will love – but he’s just not the good person meant for me. Today is one of those days where I question fate a little. I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason and I’m rarely skeptical of the meaning behind coincidences and good fortune in my life. Regardless, it will be a few days before I can put “you never know” out of my mind. That’s probably perfect timing, because in a few days, T will be back in town and I will be reminded of all the reasons I’m glad that fate steered us together. And I’ll keep hoping that fate will remind me to keep the guy who truly is the good person meant for me.
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